To Make a Marxist Happy

The sobbing was gentle but persistent, as though she wasn’t crying about just one thing. Among a group of friends, the one sobbing, we’ll call her Ann, was relating her latest relationship drama. He had cheated, again. This isn’t meant to deny the depth of her pain. It’s just that…well…there were signs. The man had been inconsistent from day one. He’d been known to make alarmingly vague statements about the future. And his basic beliefs about women, relationships, and the institution of marriage are well documented on all his socials. We sat silently, supportively, albeit slightly confused. Why was she crying? She knew. Surely she must have known, even at a subconscious level, that men like him do things like this.

When Karl Marx reimagined the world through his personal prejudices and pains, no one knew it would one day become the manifesto every dictatorship on earth would draw from. As a societal recluse, an atheist, and a man who hated the existing laws that ordered his society, he set out to create a new world in which men like him could attain wealth, power, and status on the backs of the people they claimed to help liberate.

At the height of its popularity, Marxism and its twin sisters — communism and socialism — reordered the world at the whim of its previously unfortunate leaders. Playing on the emotions of the public, Marxists all over the world rose to prominence with promises of equality, shared prosperity, and eradication of the previous elitist class structure.

The promises a Marxist makes are melodious to the ears of any people who’ve been colonised or abused by any previous governance system. Everything’s free or heavily subsidised. Free housing, free education, free medical at the best institutions in the land. You work when you want and how you want, without an annoying boss watching your every move. You share what you make with everyone around you, or you simply work for the government and the government pays you and everyone else handsomely. The gaiety is contagious and everyone lives in this Eden-esque society. Bliss all around.

It’s a beautiful dream, until it inevitably turns into a nightmare. No one who’s actually lived under the dictatorship of the proletariat enjoyed the experience. The reality of this belief system is something far less savory.

Low levels of production lead to scarcity of even the most necessary basic commodities, low wages because everyone is employed by the government, few alternative choices because production isn’t based on ingenuity and demand but rather on what the government thinks is best, technological stagnation, bureaucracy, price hikes, inflation, economic depression, no jobs…until inevitably, formerly wealthy, self-sustaining nations are surviving on food donations. When the people begin to agitate, as they always inevitably do, then comes the surveillance, the disappearings, the secret police departments.

“The effect of Bolshevik rule on the Russian economy was disastrous. Russian industrial production had grown 62 percent from 1900 to 1913. But once the peasants refused to hand over their crops in 1917 and food no longer flowed into Russia’s major cities, the factory workers—many of them born peasants—began to desert their jobs and to drift back to their native villages. The revolution turned the drift into a stampede. From December 1917 to March 1918, the population of Petrograd (St. Petersburg) fell from 2.4 to 1.5 million. By 1920, it was a virtual ghost town, having lost 71.5 percent of its population; Moscow lost 44.5 percent. The Russian industrial labor force had fallen to 76 percent of its 1917 total, and the loss was greatest among skilled workers. Production of iron ore and cast iron fell to only 1.6 and 2.4 percent of their 1913 totals, and total output of manufactured goods by 1920 was a mere 12.9 percent of its prewar output.” — Socialism Under The Microscope, Rodney Howard-Browne

Cuba, Russia, Venezuela, and many parts of Africa witnessed this firsthand. But memories are short, and people love free things, so the Marxist inevitably regains power after enough time has passed for people to forget what his beliefs really mean.

The Marxist, once heralded for his generosity and people-centric approach to governance, is finally seen for what he truly is: a more brutal version of what he claimed to oppose.

Joseph Stalin, as a young Bolshevik: “To choose one’s victim, to prepare one’s plans minutely, to stake an implacable vengeance, and then go to bed…there is nothing sweeter in the world.”

To the Marxist, the end really does justify the means. He will kill, steal, and hold a nation captive to ‘save it’. He will send out police to shoot unarmed civilians because they’re opposing electricity cuts, price cuts, or unfair policies.

He will institute curfews, switch off access to basic necessities, arrest journalists, and impose a country-wide lockdown to ensure the ‘safety’ of his beloved people.

Like Ann’s man, the Marxist loves you, he really does. It’s just…his love hurts…a lot.

The Marxist will force you to live in his utopia, for your own good! You can thank him later; for now he just needs your unquestioned obedience. On an empty stomach, with a fueless car, surviving on one meal a day, keep your thanks for the parade on that day of the year when you celebrate his birth.

“It is a terrible and awesome thing when a man sets out to create all other men in his own image. Such became the goal and all-consuming ambition of Karl Marx. Not that he would have made each man equal to himself; in fact, it was quite the contrary. The image he hoped to construct was a great human colossus with Karl Marx as the brain and builder and all other men serving him as the ears and eyes, feet and hands, mouth and gullet. In other words, Marx surveyed the world and dreamed of the day when the whole body of humanity could be forced into a gigantic social image which conformed completely to Marx’s dream of a perfect society.” — The Naked Communist, W. Cleon Skousen

A Marxist’s character arc starts at Lumumba and ends at Stalin. An evolution so drastic it takes even his or her former comrades by surprise, but that’s only because they did not follow his or her underlying beliefs to their logical end.

“We revolutionaries, who aimed to create a new society, ‘the broadest democracy of the workers,’ had unwittingly, with our hands, constructed the most terrifying State machine conceivable; and when, with revulsion, we realized the truth, this machine, driven by our friends and comrades, turned on us and crushed us.” Socialism Under The Microscope, Rodney Howard-Browne

The Marxist must win, at whatever cost. And to him, winning isn’t merely about getting the top seat; it’s about making sure that nothing in a country works without his input or say-so. The Marxist views himself as a sort of demigod, the only person in the country with any truly inventive thinking. Attempts to disprove this will cost you.

If, for instance, you built an innovative agricultural technology that could increase yields in half the current time, a Marxist would rather burn it all down and have you use the same tools Adam used, unless you can somehow convince him it was his idea.

“In keeping with Marx’s outline, FDR pressured Congress to pass the Agricultural Adjustment Act (AAA), which wielded absolute control over the nation’s farms. While millions of Americans faced starvation, the AAA decreed the destruction of crops to prevent overproduction and to stabilise falling food prices. It also ordered the slaughter of six million pigs to prevent the cost of pork, lard, and soap from plummeting.” — Socialism Under The Microscope, Rodney Howard-Browne

The Marxist loves you so much, he will let you starve now so he can feed you later.

“In the midst of this drive to create an instantaneous paradise, Mao instituted a campaign against the Four Pests: flies, mosquitoes, rats, and sparrows. The pests were rounded up and killed by the millions. As a result, their natural prey, locusts and grasshoppers, were free to devour millions of tons of grain. By 1959, the Great Leap Forward had given rise to a national famine that claimed the lives of thirty million people. The food shortage gave way to cannibalism.” — Socialism Under The Microscope, Rodney Howard-Browne

You cannot please a Marxist. Nothing short of abdicating your right to take the next breath will satisfy him. Do not try to succeed on your own terms with a Marxist at the helm, not without giving him his due deference.

If you dream it, ascribe the idea to him.

If you build it, dedicate it to him

If you innovate, tell the world his earlier innovation sparked yours.

And please, if you’re not ready to follow these basic instructions, then you’re better off leaving. That’s if he’ll let you leave!

“Homo-Marxian is probably the most insecure of all men in his feelings. Since he believes himself to be an accidental phenomenon in a purposeless universe, he has an insatiable appetite to bring all things under his total domination. Not only must he conquer the human race, but he has assigned himself the task of conquering matter, conquering space, and conquering all the forces of cosmic reality so as to bring order out of natural chaos. He must do this, he says, because man is the only creature in existence which has the accidental but highly fortunate capacity to do intelligent, creative thinking.” — The Naked Communist, W. Cleon Skousen

We need to stop getting surprised every time a Marxist proposes something. Understand his belief system and the interruptions to your lifestyle will be much more tolerable.

You know the sun must rise as it always does.

The moon must make an appearance as it was commanded to do.

And the Marxist must take and take, until his hand is the only one that feeds you.